This is what I get for blogging...

Ahhh. Communication. I love it. Bridges gaps, creates understanding, irons out wrinkles... it's just great. Why would anyone not wanna use it.

So NRI reads the last blog post. Know what she gets out of it? Nothing about me and how I feel, and us, and all that. The last paragraph about the Former. I get a text message quoting that paragraph followed by "we're done talking."

"We're done talking"? That's exactly the problem!

./sigh. The Former, The Ex, The One that Got Away, and now... The One That Could Have Been.

Story of my life...

Stay tuned.

M.

A simply draining weekend...

Hm. I just don't understand sometimes why it's me.
*Note* The "new romantic interest" will here in be referred to as "NRI, her, or she"

So (I thought) we worked through the earlier mentioned issues and were moving forward. Happy flirting Thursday, happy flirting Friday. Maybe date on Saturday. Wake up Saturday morning to a "good morning" txt from her and find out she's in the hospital. She's pretty sick, generally (I knew this beforehand, no biggie for me.) So the day goes by and it gets really bad, I'm praying and providing support to her fam, and checking on her via txt all day (no we still havent physically met, mainly due to her sickness...). She gets better Saturday night and is back home. Now let me just say, "sick" and "really sick" doesn't quite do it any justice - I was really preparing myself for the worst. And "gets better" doesn't really pin it either... but that kind of a personal thing and I'm not trying to go there in my blog. So because of all this text message interaction with her cousin (who I am SO thankful to for keeping me updated throughout the day), her mom gets to thinking I'm her boyfriend, for real-for real. Given the way things were going, I wouldn't have said she was too far off. So, her mom invites me to dinner the next day (Sunday, today). (If you've been following along you know that we haven't been out on a date, and that's what stopped me from meeting the fam last week) But her mother invited me, and given that I really thought I was going to lose this girl, I was all in for it. In fact, I was going to go see her whether we were going to dinner or not, just to be with her for a bit, and because I thought she wanted to see me.
On a sidenote - You may say the comment about losing her sounds a little... "attached," for lack of a better word. She's a great friend, a great person, and I care about her, and I love her as I love all my friends. Anything we develop beyond that just makes her that much more important.
So talk to her a bit Saturday night when she gets back home, everything's cool. To bed.

Sunday up to her "good morning" txt again. We talk for a bit, and the conversation eventually gets to me seeing her. I reminded her that I was coming over for dinner, because her and her mother invited me - she informs me that it was not her idea, and she didn't feel like having company.
... ... ... ??? ...
Then on top of that, even though I was really polite with my response, she stops talking to me all day, for the most part. Really short exchanges. Okay, now yes, she's very sick, just got out of the hospital, I understand that. I understand it all. But still... that hurts. Especially when the few days before we're all into each other, working things out, planning a day trip together to get away from it all, everything was going smooth. I was nothing but nice, and in my opinion more than any NRI could ask for, especially Saturday. So when it just flips on you like that... it hurts.

But more than, it makes you think... well, it makes me think... like crazy. The sickness doesn't bother me, honestly. It's the talking, not talking, love you, don't want to see you, stay up and talk to me, dont feel like talking to anyone (except on myspace)... all that drives me crazy. I try to chalk it up to sickness, meds, but sometimes I'm just not sure. And I find myself getting built up, only to be disappointed, and then asking what I got myself into. If I stop it here, now, and say I don't want the pressure of trying to develop a bf/gf thing with you - she'll chalk it up to me not caring about her and her sickness and that's it. Deleted off mySpace, phone # erased, over. And thats not what I want. I don't really know that I want to stop here. What I don't want is to break up - like no more friends no nothing. Like I said, she's a good friend, and I care about her. So I wanna be there for her - NRI or not. But I'm just not sure if having her as an NRI is the best thing for either of us. And i don't know how to tell her that either. I'm just torn right now, waiting for her next emotional high.

So yeah, its been a pretty tough weekend for M. And that's just the emotional stuff. Let's not talk about how PayPal was screwing around in my bank account, editing, meetings, sheer boredom and loneliness, and some faint, mysterious but slightly familiar pain in the left of my chest. And on top of that, my entire female supportive constituency was indisposed so I have no one to talk to about this...
Wait... correction. That brings up another good point. There was someone who was there to listen to me for a bit. And you'll never guess who it was... the Former. Yep. I talked to her about it and she comforted me and helped me settle my mind with some things. I don't know what it is, but her voice is so soothing to me, and she always knows the right thing to say. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but the more I talk to her, the more I'm reminded of how great a friend she really was (vice versa for her too, I'm sure). It might not be too long before she becomes a formal Lady of the Court, instead of the Former. That's a nice thought, we'll ride out on that.

I'm going to bed. I want to create a list of all the sad songs that I've been listening to that make up the soundtrack to this movie that is my life, but I'm freakin tired.

My prayers are with her and her family.

Oyasumi,
M.

Easter Weekend Update

First off happy belated Easter,

Second heres what the ideal weekend would have looked like:
Friday: get filming equipment, film Dormroom Chef, talk to new romantic interest on the phone.
Saturday: edit, meeting, film The Brown Table that night, leave shoot and go surprise new romantic interest @ VIP club party I'm not supposed to be at.
Sunday: rest, dump tapes, edit, Easter dinner with Mom, first date with new romantic interest & much deserved R&R for both of us.

Now here's how it happened:
New romantic interest tells me I'm meeting the WHOLE family on Wednesday. Moms, dads, sisters, brothers, everybody. Now a couple of lines above you'll notice that Sunday is the first date... yeah... So okay that's cool, I'm awesome they'll love me. Shortly after that, for an unknown reason, she was upset all day long. Couldn't do anything to cheer her up so I was bummed. She finally gets up with her friends in the evening and feels better, I'm happy. That night, we filmed 3 new episodes of DormRoom Chef. I was tired as all getout after so I lay down. Now, what's special about Friday? Former's birthday. So @ 2AM I call to wish her happy birthday and she picks up the phone. We talked for almost 2 hours - a record since we ended last summer. Good conversation too, like we used to have. Surprisingly enough, I was cool - not standoffish, not head over heals... I just felt happy, natural. So at sporadic times throughout this conversation, new romantic DDs me from the club screaming her love for me... cute. She calls later, after I finish talking to the Former, and we talk for a bit... decent conversation (which she didnt remember any of... go fig). Sleep, finally.

Saturday, it starts downhill.
So the new romantic interest was mad earlier last week because I couldn't make her huge VIP birthday bash Saturday, because we had to shoot The Brown Table. Well, I found out that the shoot got pushed up and I would be able to make it. So i decide (being the hopeless romantic I am) to surprise her and show up at the party. Had it all planned out - my buddy was going in early, and I would just give him a call and get navigated to the party when I got there. Right... So he hits me up early in the day Saturday and says that theres a VIP list, and so he told her that I was planning on coming after the shoot. She gets mad... again. *sigh* So, me and buddy wait all day to find out if we can still go to the party - end up we can't. Bummer. And she's still mad at me, mind you. But I knew that all her family and friends would soon rid her of that, so okay. So we had a great shoot that night and had a lot of fun. Sleep. (not much) Oh wait, forgot to mention, earlier that day mom canceled Easter dinner... yeah.

Sunday, I had to wake up early to take my partner his camera plate for his church tripod he left here. Got some McDonald's hotcakes on my way back home and started my day with some MySpacing. So today I'm totally psyched right because it's first date day! We had been talking about it all week. It was her demanded birthday present since I couldn't make her party, which I gladly obliged. Her idea. She was excited about it (at least thats the vibe I got) and I was excited about it. Plus, what better way to wind down a super-busy weekend then hugged up on your new boo, getting to know her, right? Right. And since mom canceled dinner, I can cook a nice dinner for us. And you know me - I go all out to make someone I like feel special. So I had a very nice dinner planned, and a awesome surprise for her for dessert. So I txt her and ask what time shes planning on coming over so I know what time to start prepping food. You can guess what happened next... she's not coming. Wants to spend time with family and friends who are in town for her birthday. Which I can understand, but heres my thing: she knew they were going to be there when she made the date. I hate being stood up, because I shake up the bottle of romantic energy and think im going to uncork it... it's like the biggest letdown... it's literally painful to me. So yeah. I'm upset. And what makes it worse is the family dinner that I was looking forward to now can't happen because we haven't been on a date. Her mom pushed back a flight home to invite me to dinner. And I love meeting moms, I always get along with them. So that chance is gone. Man was I ever upset. Not mad - upset.

So the viewers at home are getting tired of this scene coming up in the movie by now I'm sure. M has a girl and he tries to control himself but cant help it and goes all out and gets let down in the end. I know, I honestly cant help it. But this one, I think, is genuine. The only thing is, she's moody. Little rash too... And I'm trying to deal with it... but I know me and I know I don't really do well with moody. Especially if it's the "Now I wanna see you, now I don't" type of moody. I'm a loving person, I love to love and be romantic. But it seems like it gets me screwed every time... I'm hoping it's different this time... but then again I hope it's different every time.

So later in the day (yes, the story goes on) I call my ex to see what she's up to because I was going to bring her out to dinner with my mom since she hadn't seen my lil sis in a while. So I call her, then call my mom and guess what... Easter dinner is on and "I just forgot to tell you." Wow. I'm totally invisible today, huh. Well what time is dinner? 4 (its 3:58 while im on the phone hearing this). Right. So no I'm not going, I call my ex back - dinner @ 8. kRma txts me later and says he wants to do something, so we end up having a nice friendly dinner @ Longhorn, after playing some much needed Rockband. So, after I was feeling much better - but the best was yet to come. I pull out of Longhorn to take my ex back home, and as I pull into the turning lane what comes rolling ever-so-slowly past be but a royal blue Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder. You should have seen the look on my face. "Lamborghini!, Lamborghini!" It was cool. So driving, driving, through the W-E Paces tour, nice houses, etc... and as soon as I pull out into Buckhead, what's parked in front of the shops but a maroon Lamborghini Gallardo... I was floored. Exotics are like shooting stars to me. If you see one, its a sign of good luck and good fortune to come. They were a beautiful addition to what was otherwise emotionally trashing day. So I come home, and have a Macho Manly Movie-night Madness with the roommate - we watched Shoot Em Up (one of the greatest man movies of all time, IMHO). Good times, good times.


I'm so glad I have such great friends. If I have nothing else, I have great friends. And I love them all and I thank you all for being there for me, and always being able to turn the worst days into good days.


Ciao,
M.

M Coupe!

Now here's a properly built, and properly named car :) The BMW M coupe. Of course, all of the M's are on my list of cars to own because... well they are "The Ultimate Driving Machine"s.



Ciao,

M

180!

So, in the update I said that there was a girl who approached me and it was too complicated and whatnot, right? So we kinda decided to try to work through them. Facebook would at this point say "It's complicated," but I am actually committing myself to trying to develop a relationship with this one. This should be interesting :)

Also, this kind of marks the first time that I've had to choose business over my friends in a major way. It's not a good feeling, but you do what you have to do. And this happened in kind of a roundabout way. Long and short of it is New M is filming the weekend of the above-mentioned's birthday. Good news is we should get a good bit of filming done and prob wont have to film again for another month or so.


Stay tuned....

Ciao,
M.

Let's have an update, shall we?

Yep! We need an update. Before I start getting busy again, we need an update.

New M is to blame for the lack of postings, but if you're following along there, you haven't missed too much :) We're about to do our second filming session, and people are responding very well to the first videos. If you haven't checked out Dormroom Chef and The Brown Table, what are you waiting for!? We need your support and feedback :)

School's moving right along. May 10 baby! Hope to see all of my family for graduation. I really miss all of them, especially on my mom's side because I don't get to see them very often. When the company becomes successful, I think I might VLog myself going on a family reunion trip to see everyone. That would be cool.

And that brings us to relationships. Well, it hasn't been all bad. It hasn't been all good. It's been kinda neutral. That one from back in December, gone - don't know if I mentioned that in the last update, but she dropped off the face of the earth. ./shrug - the one that got away I guess. There was a new interest, who actually approached me, but things were a bit too complicated with that. Great new friend though! So I have a new pursuit in mind, if I can get the time (courage) to ask her out. Two actually. So, we'll see I guess.
Ah! That reminds me... the former Princess. Yes, her. I had some very interesting communication with her about my graduation. Some thoughts and feelings, and truths were put into the air, so we'll see where that goes. (Nowhere THAT far is my guess, but at least maybe we can get back to talking to one-another again.)

Sorry no picture updates, haven't been out much. I saw a nice looking african american lady driving a Maseratti yesterday - but I didn't want to just blatantly take a picture. She was cute though, and the car fit her very well. I think i might consider one of those for mom :) Either that or a Bentley sedan. We'll see. I've also seen a black and a yellow Gallardo, both moving too fast for me to even get my camera out. And lastly, a red 430 was pulling out of the Starbucks near me.

Speaking of cars, my she-monster broke down on me on first filming weekend :( But I got her fixed day-of, and still made it to the set :) Thanks to Mr. Ron for that!

Well, I've got editing and data backup to do =/.


Ciao,
M.

Lupe's Gold Watch... and more.

So I head the song by Lupe Fiasco "Gold Watch." It's basically a song about all the things that he likes, and there's a huge listing of foreign and luxury brands (mostly the second verse). So I figured I'd find out what all's in Lupe's closet by analyzing the verse and looking up everything he talks about. Here are the results:

Let's peruse the essential of cool
A brief study of the things so instrumental to you
That make me feel flyer than lobbies of W's
A disclaimer just a rhymer
no credentials from a school now

[ Lupe Fiasco: ]
In my Fall of Rome jeans, my Head Quarter wallet
My Neighborhood shirt and my Eddie Chen CLOT shit
Might not go to college but my street smart polished
Like the black finger nails of
that punk rock logic
Do the knowledge, man you can't
be punked from projects
Firm disbeliever in your punch clock promise
Was trading off my comics I was
taking them to school
One of Jay-Z boys now I'm skatin in your pools
Not to be rude I'm just hatin on your ruse
Like a young 50 I'm on my world tour
Good morning Singapore I'm
bringing the sun with me
From the Robert Taylor Homes
to African slum cities
I am American mentally with Japanese tendencies
Parisian sensibilities so
stay out the vicinity of

[ Bridge: ]
[ Chorus: ]

[ Lupe Fiasco: ]
I like Diptyque candles and Maharishi sandals
And Dita sunglasses , purple murder service samples
I like False t-shirts
Dover Street is off the handle
Such a good designer Junya Watanabe god damn you
I like Yohji Yamamoto and a Max Roach solo
Leather Gucci belts and Guilty Brotherhood polos
I like Mont Blanc pens and Moleskine paper
I like Goyard bags and green Now-n-Laters
Monocle magazines and Japanese manga
Futura Nosferatu and HTM trainers (??)
I love Street Fighter 2 I just really hate Zangief
only Ken and Ryu I find it hard to beat Blanca
I keep a wee ninja hanging and a
Unkle album banging
If you negative in energy then stay out the vicinity of...

[ Chorus: ]
[Third verse]

That took almost 2 hours to research, but it was worth it! Have fun browsing all the brands! If you see any mistakes, or if you can find something about HTM trainers, comment!


Ciao,
M.