My Worst Fears

Halloween is coming up, which has nothing to do with why I'm writing this, but it has sensible irony so I thought I'd mention it.

Before there was a First Lady, my wirst fear was becoming successful without having anyone at my side to share it with (the experience, and the success). One of my quotes is "Beside every great man, there's a phenomenal woman (who runs the non-profit)," and even though theres a slight bit of humor there, it's very sincere and I believe it firmly. So much in fact that it scared me to think that I would become successful in business without becoming successful in love. And when I say scared, I mean losing sleep, borderline depressed-type scared. Sometimes when I was really down, that thought kept me that way.

Well, now I have my lovely, wonderful First Lady. And I've discovered that even though I finally found her, my greatest fear in life has not gone away; it has transformed. Now, the thing that scares me the most is losing her. And I guess it's just a part of building a relationship and being in love (especially given the conditions), but when you look at it, it's really the same fear as my first fear. And it acts the same way. When I'm down, or everything not sunshine and butterflies in the relationship, it haunts me. I have bad daydreams about it, and I still lose sleep over it. And I hate it. And it shouldn't be there. This is the love of my life, and the woman I plan to spend the rest of my life with. And she's there for me and I'm there for her. And even when stuff is hard we work through it. 

So WHY am I still haunted!?


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