A Little Bit on the High Lady

Hmm... yeah this needs to hurry up and get out of my system. Well, where to start? The High Lady, formerly known as The Former, formerly known as The Princess. What can I say? I was in love with the girl for as long as I can remember. It should be about 11 years this year. She's my best friend, truly my best friend. She knows me like no one else does. We've never dated, never slept with each other, and only kissed twice. But she is a piece of my heart.

Well last year close to this time (read back to my VA trip when I got my car, Shiro) we kind of came to a crossroads as to what to do about us. We loved each other. I loved her, she loved me. But she was not ready to move forward. And because of circumstances behind that - we went our separate ways. I was hurt. Very hurt. So was she. She is the origin of the title Princess. I was 100% sure that I was going to marry this girl. And when this happened and we parted ways, I erased that title from my world, as I did every memory of her and us - all stored to the back of mind. It took a long time but, using my anger and disappointment as fuel, I successfully managed to lock her away... and thus was born The Former.

Well you can look back and see what happened to bring her back in my world, into my Court as a High Lady. And she was here for my graduation. So what now? Well that's what I wanted to touch on. Things worked out that she stayed with me during her visit here this past weekend. I already mentioned that when I started talking to her again I realized how much of a friend she really was, and well she really knew me. But that doesn't begin to touch the surface of who this girl really is. When she was a Princess, she rightfully deserved that title.

Let me say this - you can appreciate something 100% when you have it. I think thats possible. BUT, if you take that thing away, and even oppose that thing for a period of time; when that thing comes back into your life you appreciate it far beyond 100%. It's a whole new level that you cant realize until that thing is taken away from you and put back. Now mind you, "the breakup" last summer was the 3rd time she has left and somehow made it back into my life. When she got here in Atlanta, she just fell right back into place, as if the previous year had not even happened. And I paid attention to every little detail while she was here - and I understood then why it was that I loved her so much. The way she carries herself, the way she acts around me, everything about her is a perfect fit to me. She doesn't see the little things because it's who she is, but I do. And she's grown up too. I've watched her grow up for many, many years. I've seen her though nearly every one of her phases, and I have to say that I'm proud of her. She's dealt with a lot - and to see her grow into the mature, strong, smart young lady she is today is heartwarming for me. She's my best friend. She will always be my best friend. I trust her with anything, as she does me.

So what does all that mean? Well, it means that there's definitely a part of me that still loves her. It's not nearly as big a part of me as it was before. It does sometimes bother me that we aren't together - but not nearly as much as it used to. I have moved on from the person I was a year ago. And I'm not going back to being that person. There will not be a girl that can replace her bit for bit - that's a given, but a few show potential of being crowned. And what does this mean for them, the girls I date? Nothing. It means I have a best friend who I used to be in love with and who used to be in love with me - nothing more than that. I have moved on from those days and I'm looking for a new leading lady in this movie that is my life. The High Lady and I could end up together - but it's unlikely because we're at different points in our lives. But as I said, she will always be my best friend, no matter what happens. Thus is the existence of the High Lady., and the nature of our relationship.





Ciao,
M.